Relationships are hard – this is a cliché but true! With all this modern technology, when breaking up over a text message is a norm – the chances of getting blown off are considerably higher than they were a couple of decades ago. Besides, the variety of dating apps turned the romantic world into a job interview.
When you are into someone but they don’t seem to share the feeling, it's a bummer. Remember one thing, you are going to have a lot of misses before you meet the person who changes your life. Love and affection are your greatest teachers. We’ve all had failed relationships and all have been ditched at least once. However, if you aren’t able to move on, shift yourself from obsessing, because it can turn you into a self-destructive creature.
Any feeling is an intimate job that starts within you. When you have a strong sense of your autonomy and keep a positive self-image, you can navigate ups and downs of romance with more confidence and ease. Psychologists offer a theory that our brain associates the concept of “rejection” with physical pain. So, how to heal yourself from being ditched and move on?
1. Turn your pain into an act of power
“Sorry, I didn’t see your text” – sometimes this phrase IS legitimate but more often it’s one of the alarming quotes which signals that you are being blown off.
- Stop obsessive thinking about the person who rejects you on the regular basis. It’s time to let them go!
- Do you often see yourself thinking compulsively about your flakey date? Rumination is not love or grief. Often it’s an anxiety driven by a profound sense of fear. If left unchecked, it can hijack your thoughts and cause you to take actions you may regret.
- Don’t settle for your worst judgement of yourself. If you alter this opinion and think of yourself better than the treatment you are receiving – the quick release button is hit and you move on.
Getting blown off – is one of the least appealing things one can face in the dating world, hands down. However, if you two have been going out for a few months and they still don’t appreciate you – it’s time to “spill the guts”. Many of us muzzle our essential self in order to fit to your partner’s habits and lifestyle.
Tell your date that they’re being flat-out rude. Keep it simple but let them know that these tricks aren’t cute. Truthfully, it’s simply a jerk move to take a fade on someone’s plans without any explanation.
- Come up with clear boundaries – make them understand what you expect.
- Ask them straight up, “Are you into this?” It will put them on the spot and hopefully will get you resolution.
- Let them know that you don’t trust them. Being friendly is one thing but bonds take time and conviction.
- Ask yourself the question, “Am I being cherished or trashed?” If your answer is the second alternative, then you shouldn’t even feel bad about anything. Keep your head straight up and move on!
3. Happy food
Ok, you’ve been ditched again so you’re feeling blue. Don’t drown your sorrow in a jar of ice-cream or get in on a party size bag of chips – this will harm you more than would make you feel better. There are natural foods that could improve your mood and heal your mind:
- Honey is full of quercetin which reduces inflammation and balances out hormonal activity that keeps depression at arm’s length. Sweeten your tea with this natural source of good mood, spread it on a wholegrain toast or add it to your bowl of oatmeal.
- 'Cheery' cherry tomatoes – the source of lycopene – an antioxidant that fights depression-causing inflammation.
- Pumpkin seeds are natural antidepressants. They contain tryptophan which promotes the production of serotonin.
- Blueberry juice decreases fat cell formation and supplies our body with loads of vitamin C. This pick-me-up juice boosts your energy levels and helps to get rid of the feeling of low motivation.
- Dark chocolate – not snickers or any other candy bar, but a few ounces of high quality dark chocolate gives you a boost in mood and concentration and improves blood flow.
This is a much healthier coping mechanism than junk food.
4. Surfing the sands of time
If we don’t learn from the history, we are doomed to repeat it. Recognize the signs of being repetitively dismissed. At some point, sooner better than later, ask yourself, “Has this happened before and what was the result?”
Often experience teaches us to recognize total BS. However, often we don’t read the signals or don’t know how to handle being blown off.
- If they are interested, they’ll immediately reschedule the cancelled date.
- They are vague with the answers to the question “When will I see you next?”
- Trust your gut. The hiccups of new relationships could be genuine misunderstanding or a game playing. There’s a lot of mistakes in the beginning. The tricky part is not to mix up miscommunication with pure flakey behavior.
They Don’t Value Me So Why Should I? To quote the Meditations of Quixote,
I am I, plus my surroundings, and if I don’t preserve the latter, I do not preserve myself.
Relationships are a two-way street – it won’t work if one is not into it. Whether it’s a friendship or romantic interaction, the feeling that you are getting blown-off is often accurate.
No call, no show?! Well, in that case – no second chance for them. Having a courtesy to call and let you know in advance that they won’t make it is a sign of respect. Yet, if cancelling plans that you make with them is repetitive, then the right reaction is – “next!”
So, to sum up, if it’s still in the early stages, then better do nothing. It’s not passive aggressive – you give space to your date to express interest. Your withdrawal coupled with their appearing apathy is usually the recipe for nothingness.
Self-care is self-repair that puts you back together while strengthening your resilience. Nobody has the perfect answer to what to do when someone blows you off. I could say one thing though, change the legacy of self-neglect to celebrating yourself. You can be especially vulnerable when the person you are with doesn’t value your feelings or your time. The main point is not to take it personally. Don’t stalk them, don’t waste your time – save your energy for the one who deserves it.